Gentlemen: I have a challenge for you. It won't be easy and it won't be fun in the short term. However, the lady you will some day call your wife will surely appreciate your efforts in this area.
Ladies: You are the benefactors of this challenge. The same challenge could be issued to you as well, but I am not the one to do that.
Here goes. Men, I challenge you to be ordinary. I challenge you to be bland. I challenge you to blend in with the other faces of the godly men around you. Here's the big one: I challenge you to save yourself, and by doing so, guard the hearts of all the women around you.
Now, I have to explain myself, because every last one of you thinks I've lost it after writing that paragraph. But, we as men need to remember that we have a biblical mandate on how to treat the women around us. 1 Tim. 5:2 - "Treat older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity." We as a generation of godly men have completely ignored this vital commandment. I can probably list you at least 50 Christian men off the top of my head who violate this verse with every single conversation they have with women.
Most men today, even Christian men, see women as "potentials". Either they have potential to be something romantic or they don't, and get classified as "friend". Either way, women are subjugated to this role of "potential". I was guilty of this travesty myself not that long ago. I know how pervasive it can be.
Women desire to be desired. It's one of the ways they personify the qualities of God Almighty (thanks Captivating). As godly men, you and I have a responsibility to guard that desire, to guard the hearts of the women in your life. Just as you will only call one person your wife, each woman in your life will only call one man her husband. Let's be honest, it's probably not going to be you, (statistically speaking).
There was a time when I found great satisfaction and confidence in women finding me attractive. It was one of the biggest motivating factors in my quest for personal growth. I wanted to be charming, funny, intelligent, kind, daring, sensitive, "deep", and all that jazz. It wasn't because I wanted to fulfill God's purposes in my life, it was so women would like me. It was as if I gave myself little merit badges when a new lady found me attractive. What a huge mistake.
I read Boundless webzine quite often. It offers great insight and biblical perspective on the matters of our college-aged generation. I highly recommend you check it out. "www.boundless.org" I was reading an article in there about a guy who consciously tried to not be charming, funny, etc. to the masses. He was a strong, upstanding, godly man, but he wasn't the least bit flashy. He was interested in a lady at his church and approached her about the possibility of courting her. She hesitated at first and gave it serious prayer and consideration before accepting his offer. After a few months with him, she realized that the man she had known before they started courting was not the man she found herself with now. This man was "the total package": eloquent, charming, philosophical, romantic, funny, social, strong, vibrant, dependable, ambitious and he deeply loved the Lord. She asked him once why he had changed so much since they started seeing each other. His response was simple, "you weren't mine yet." He told her about how he consciously holds back when he's around women. His walls are continually up because he doesn't want to cause them to be attracted to him when he's not available. I was totally floored by this article because it's completely counter-cultural to the world you and I live in.
So much of our culture is pointed at making yourself as attractive and glamorous as possible in the attempt to lure a member of the opposite sex towards yourself. In actually, the only one you should be luring is "the one". We are called to be waiting patiently until God shows us who we are supposed to be pursuing in that ultimate conquest that results in a God-honoring marriage and family. I specifically chose not to say it "ends" in a marriage because the chase definitely doesn't end at the altar. Guys, if we're doing our job right, our future wives should feel sought after, desired and prized for the rest of our days. She should blush at our attention 3 years into the marriage. She should still be talking about the "small things" we do to show our love and devotion with her small group girls 10 years down the road. Ok, sorry for the rabbit trail, back to the point...
Here's chapter and verse on my argument to save yourself in a whole mind and body way, not just in the sexual sense everybody gets so wrapped up in. Song of Songs 8:4 - "...Do not awaken love until it so desires." What does that mean? It means stop putting the moves on people you have no intention of committing to!!!!!!!!
I have sat and listened to women talk (something every guy should do, it's fascinating). One thing I hear quite often is how much women hate being played around with. Now, don't get defensive guys, I know the ladies play just as many games (if not more) than we do. That's not the point. The point is that we are men and it's high time we stepped up.
Here's the really hard part:
If God isn't calling you to pursue some lady for a lifelong commitment, there are a bunch of things you have no business doing. Sitting late at night somewhere alone...NOT A GOOD IDEA! Having deep, personal, emotionally intimate conversations...NOT A GOOD IDEA! Engaging in any kind of physically intimate activity (anything you wouldn't do in front of your pastor and grandmother)...NOT A GOOD IDEA! There's really no way around this, guys. We have to shepherd the hearts of the women in our life. Someday they will marry...that man is the only man who has any right to these things I'm talking about.
We as men have to step up. It's our job to take the lead because a lot of women are yearning for this kind of attention. It's our job to point them in the right direction (Jesus Christ), and to help validate them as our sisters.
I know most of you don't agree with me yet and that's OK. I got smacked in the face really hard with this wake up call from God this summer. My opinions and behavior in this area have changed dramatically in the last few months (read my other posts for evidence). I truly hope and pray that you stop and consider the contents of this post. Your future wife deserves every ounce of you. The women around us deserve to be able to give their future husbands every last ounce of themselves. They shouldn't have to look back on affections they used to have for you and wish that they could give that scarred piece of their heart to their husband. That isn't right. Stop romancing women for fun, excitement or satisfaction. Stop practicing your charm and your "game" on women that yearn to be sought after. Stop twisting and abusing their God-given needs and desires for your own amusement or satisfaction. STOP!!! Save yourself completely for the lady God is preparing right now to be your wife.
Ladies, I love you like my sister. I truly hope that this post rings true with you all as well. A wise friend gave me her perspective on this matter not long ago and I couldn't agree with her more. Ladies, you should be living behind an emotional wall when it comes to guys. Don't allow temporary thrill and satisfaction to take away from your future marriage. Don't use your womanly charm to make some poor guy fall for you if God is not calling you into a committed relationship with him. We men are easily swayed by the attention of a lady. Please use your powers carefully. Save yourself: mind, body and soul for the man God is preparing right now to be your husband.
Be blessed...
No comments:
Post a Comment