Heart ramblings

Ok, this is completely separate from any journal entries this summer. This is just something that I wanted to get out of my head and so I write. I think I may have finally come to an understanding as to why I have been completely unable to remain consistent in my walk with the Lord and my behavior as a man seeking to be like Jesus Christ.

When I think about all the times that I have been disappointed in myself these last couple of years, when I think about the things I’ve said and done that have not honored Christ and all the people I have hurt or angered…I remember what usually followed after those incidents. It was a concerted effort to eliminate the unacceptable actions and prevent them from happening again.

I have spent almost my entire adult life wavering between brief periods of fervent and intimate walk with the Lord and a much larger amount of time when I am quite mediocre in my Christian walk. This summer, in these last 5 weeks or so at Pine Cove…I have again been poured into by men much wiser and more Christ-like than myself. Someone I greatly respect called me on the carpet last week on something that I really never addressed in my life. He said that my actions weren’t the problem this time, it was my heart attitude that he was concerned about. He and I had some very serious conversation for a while that night and he shared some things that the Lord has taught him in Daniel.

I have heard the phrase several times here…”it doesn’t matter how clean your hands are if your heart is still dirty.” That is so true. I have spent some time since then seeking the Lord’s face on this issue and it is becoming excessively clear that I have found the source for my complete inability to be the man I so desperately want to be.

Despite the best efforts of my hands, my heart was still thoroughly corrupted with “selfish ambition and vain conceit” as Paul calls it in Philippians 2. Those times at school that I have come across as a cocky jerk without meaning to, the times when I have “tried to help” and only succeeded in being an arrogant know-it-all, the times when I have just plain been living in sin and allowed my frustration to get the best of me…all of those can be traced to a heart that is not submitted to the sovereignty of Almighty God.

“Your body is not your own, for you were bought with a price. Therefore, glorify God with your body.” I have heard that verse many, many times, but it has never really sunk in until this week. I know that many people at SFA have never seen the James B. Jenkins that I so desperately want to be, a man completely devoted and submitted to the will of Jesus Christ. The weight of my total inability to ever consistently be that man has been multiplied this summer at Pine Cove.

Something has clicked this past week that I hope and pray will allow me to finally get to the root of the heart attitude that has been the core of my interpersonal problems for as long as I can remember. The qualities of a man fervently following Christ are plainly evident: genuine joy, consistently encouraging words, tact, an eager servant’s heart, etc…these are qualities that I see displayed on a daily basis by many people around me. Pine Cove is the oven that God uses to fully develop these qualities in the people He has brought here.

All this rambling to say this…if your heart is put where it belongs, your hands can’t help but follow. I know that all the things I want most will appear at their appointed time. Just as King Neb said in Daniel 4, the Lord’s sovereignty covers all. The Lord is good. His timing is perfect.

The fact that I feel way too old to still be in college and not have taken even one step towards any kind of romantic relationship means nothing. The fact that I still don’t know what I’m supposed to do after the Forge means nothing. I may not know specifics, but I know that I’m supposed to submit my life to God and trust Him to open the door when the time is right and give me the nudge to walk through it. Ok, maybe a shove…I’m a pretty stubborn guy when it comes to the big stuff.

Ok, enough. I feel like I’ve been writing for an hour. The short version is that I want more than anything to consistently be the guy I’m supposed to be, to be true to the essence of the Lord that abides in me and to be a light that shines His love and encouragement in the environment He’s divinely placed me in. Everything else is icing on the cake.

And now I feel better…if you actually read this whole rambling mess, I think you deserve a gold medal or something. Be blessed…

Concealed Carry

I was recently interviewed for a piece NBC56 out of Tyler was doing on Concealed Carry on Campus.

http://www.ketknbc.com/topvideo/18758699.html

I fully support the rights of licensed college students to carry concealed handguns wherever they so desire, college campuses included. There are a great many reasons for this, not the least of which is that I enjoy living and making sure others are alive too.

There are some risks associated with allowing students to carry firearms on campus, but most of them stem from fear and irrational paranoia. The risk of someone attempting homicidal violence at a school full of unarmed, defenseless victims should be what people are afraid of.

If we as a nation remove the guns from the hands of responsible, law-abiding citizens, then the only people who have guns will be the ones who don't care what the law says.

Go 2nd Amendment!!!

Here's my exit...or is it?

Yeah, I know...two posts in one day. Who thought it was possible?

This semester has been quite a trying one, for a great many reasons. Due to some mistakes I've made, I will be retaking Genetics again in the fall semester. This creates a problem, Organic Chemistry, Genetics and Microbiology are all that remain in my undergraduate career...the only glitch is that Genetics and Microbiology are each only offered once in the fall, and as my luck would have it, they conflict with each other.

I could take it at Angelina College, but the only section they offer conflicts with O-chem. Go figure. So I'm talking to a bunch of PA school admissions committees trying to determine if a pre-nursing Micro class would count towards the necessary prerequisites. If not, I will either have to re-evaluate my career goals (for the 124,653,234,643rd time), or be here yet another semester next spring.

This is quite the conundrum, but thankfully I'm not freaking out. One of the signs of becoming more of an adult is the ability to approach an undesirable situation with an open and discerning mindset. As always, there is something that I'm supposed to learn from this trial. Hopefully, something more than simply "don't suck at genetics, James."

Please be in prayer as I continue to seek God's will for this chapter of life. There are many goals and ambitions I have for what I want the future to look like...but none of them hold a candle to my desire to be in the center of God's will. Please pray for the courage and patience to allow that to happen in my life.

There are far too many possibilities to choose from right now. Unbridled potential is a dangerous and very exciting thing. But, just as a wild mustang is a much more useful and productive animal once it has been broken, I too must be broken and set in the right direction.

To my friends, family and loved ones...thank you ever so much for your support. You are all very near and dear to my heart. Thank you...

enrichment

I'm actively studying spanish again, for the first time in years. It is really cool how quickly the words come back even if you haven't put them to use in such a long time.

I am reminded how easy it is to let the hustle and bustle of life keep us all from really living life. The thought I have is, take the time to actively do something to enrich yourself today. Pick up an interesting book, practice your instrument if you play one, learn something on Discovery or Learning channel, go out and try a new sport or activity....do something. You'll feel better about the day, you'll get to go enjoy some of God's marvelous creation and you'll probably spend quality time with amazing people as well!

It could be even something as simple as sitting down with a friend, pushing past the typically superficial and drab "how are you?" type of conversation, and really invest in them as someone important in your life. Ask them questions that require thought, talk about things that matter, or things that really don't matter at all...doesn't matter.

If you make your seconds and minutes count for something, the hours and days can't help but follow suit. It all comes down to taking your time captive, live your life on purpose. Live intentionally. I believe that the more satisfaction we find in the life that God has blessed us with, the more glory He will inevitably receive from our endeavors (assuming our hearts are in the right place...).

As we go into the summer, try to put all that free time to good use. Even if you're going to be working or interning a lot...I guarantee you'll have more free time then you have this semester. God's given us the opportunity for an amazing life, let's go make it happen.

Be blessed...

A small challenge

Ok, so the world is negative, pessimistic, sarcastic, etc...and we as people who love Jesus are called to be in the world but not of it. Here's the thing: Wouldn't it be weird if you said lots of good things about people, situations, etc? I think people would notice after a while that you say lots of positive, uplifting things and it would bug them. After a while it would probably bug them enough to ask you why you have so much joy. And then you can tell them. It's that simple.

Oh, and don't forget to smile. It takes less work for your face and you'll look younger in 20 years if you smile a lot. People will notice.

Forget world domination. It's world transformation that I'm all about.

Don't talk it.
Don't do it.
BE IT.

Best time of your life?

As a college student, I am constantly bombarded with the culture and media's idea that the college years are the "best time of your life", etc. The spark for this particular post was a conversation I recently had with one of my professors who I believe is disillusioned with his impending mid-life crisis. He told me after class that I'd better live it up, because this the most fun I'll ever have..." I think we've all heard this before.

I had to contain my passions to his face, but the instant I left the room, my wheels were turning. To me, life is a book. An epic novel with an over-arching plot, countless subplots, main character, minor characters, chapters, ebb and flows, etc. Every single chapter in our lives has its own flavor, its own activities, characters, struggles, etc. The one constant is the life is almost always a matter of perspective. Even in the midst of struggle, there is plenty of good to be found. Just ask Paul, that man spent more time in prison than the rats, but he still found joy and satisfaction in his surroundings.

I got to thinking about life as a whole, and the "fun" that we get to have along the way. I couldn't agree any less with the professor that this is the most fun I'll ever have. Fun is not a concrete entity that you can sit on the shelf. Fun is not defined and immobile. Fun is a fluid, ever-changing, adapting, chameleon that follows us through life. Fun is what you make it.

Fun is playing with the big wooden blocks with your friends.
Fun is fingerpainting and making a big mess.
Fun is building a Lincoln log house that falls over every time.
Fun is creating universes and adventure for G.I. Joe and all of his friends.
Fun is making silly noises into the Teddy Ruxpin and making your friends laugh.
Fun is getting scrapes and bruises playing "American Gladiator" with your friends.
Fun is rolling around on the ground, play-fighting with your little brother.
Fun is running the riding mower into the house, while your Dad records the whole thing.
Fun is climbing a tree, just because you can.
Fun is riding a bike, while your dad runs beside you.
Fun is building sandcastles out of nasty dirt in your backyard.
Fun is playing with the puppy and letting him lick your face.

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Fun is learning all about stuff and things you used to be ignorant of.
Fun is making new friends and loving old ones.
Fun is learning to play basketball or that other amazing sport that inspires you.
Fun is discovering the opposite sex, and becoming completely awkward around them.
Fun is throwing a frisbee, football, or whatever with your friends on a damp summer evening.
Fun is the dances, proms, homecomings, football games, etc.
Fun is seeing another country for the first time.
Fun is doing something kind for someone, just because you can.
Fun is stepping behind the wheel, alone, for the first time.
Fun is getting up the nerve to try to kiss her for the first time.
Fun is that first piece of plastic with your name and picture on it.
Fun is learning how to cherish a moment in time and never forget it.

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Fun is learning who you really are inside.
Fun is discovering your reason for being alive.
Fun is studying hard for a test and making an A.
Fun is dunking a basketball.
Fun is dunking a basketball, again.
Fun is talking to Jesus as your Savior, and not the Savior of your parents.
Fun is when your Dad treats you like a man, and not just his son.
Fun is when you discover just how deep your faith really goes.
Fun is buying your first suit.
Fun is the first real job interview.
Fun is walking a stage, shaking a hand and posing in front of a flag.
Fun is a piece of paper on your wall that represents 16+ years of education.

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Fun is looking in her eyes and finding love there.
Fun is peace that you are where you're supposed to be.
Fun is spending two months salary on a little shiny thing society tells you is important.
Fun is agonizing over the details of the perfect proposal.
Fun is when she says "yes".
Fun is the day she's been planning since forever ago.
Fun is experiencing what all that stuff was really made for.
Fun is when you get your first "real" paycheck and fall down from laughing so hard.
Fun is having a mailbox with your name on it.
Fun is having a community of like-minded people who genuinely love and care for you.
Fun is ministering to God's people.
Fun is impacting lives and creating change that effects eternity.
Fun is spending a lifetime getting to know your "other half".

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Fun is finding out you're going to be a father.
Fun is finding out it's a boy. (ok, girls wouldn't be that bad either...)
Fun is planning, building, buying and then waiting.
Fun is the day you get a new title.
Fun is looking into the eyes of God's product of your love for your wife.
Fun is 3am feedings.
Fun is backrubs, apologies, late night ice cream runs, and loving the mother of your kiddo.
Fun is watching your little munchkin figure out stuff.
Fun is the first _____ .
Fun is finding your wife buried beneath all the "Mom" she's developing inside.
Fun is remaining true to your God and your self in the midst of total chaos.

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Fun is that big promotion at work.
Fun is going to the homecoming game and marveling at how much the campus has changed.
Fun is talking to college friends you haven't seen in 10 years.
Fun is discovering, developing, creating something that changes humanity.
Fun is building meaningful relationships at church, work and the kid's school.
Fun is ministering to people and living out Jesus' love.
Fun is becoming a master of God's Word.
Fun is acquiring small pieces of wisdom over the years and getting to share them.
Fun is rediscovering each and every day how amazing your wife is.
Fun is teaching your son/daughter how to love Jesus and how to do life well.
Fun is playing basketball with your son, and totally dominating him.
Fun is being a Dad...oh, how I long for that.
Fun is watching your children become their own people, and crying about it.

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Fun is watching the dances, proms, homecoming, football games, etc. from the other side.
Fun is protecting, defending, nurturing, building, teaching how to be an adult.
Fun is making your daughter's prospective boyfriend pee...his...pants. In front of you. :)
Fun is having faith and trust that God will protect them as they go out and come back.
Fun is playing golf with the boys on Saturday morning.
Fun is sponsoring an orphan.
Fun is doing completely random kind things, just because you can.
Fun is loving your wife more each day and knowing the story behind every wrinkle on her face.
Fun is helping your kiddo pick a school...while secretly wishing they would pick yours.

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Fun is having the freedom to do whatever you want again.
Fun is reaping the benefits of a wisely invested financial life.
Fun is discipling young men and women towards a lifetime of significance.
Fun is being able to richly bless God's people from your abundances.
Fun is owning an RV and exploring God's creation.
Fun is seeing all those travel brochure places with your own eyes.
Fun is watching your children become parents.
Fun is playing dominos with the boys on Saturday morning.
Fun is playing BINGO on Wednesday night.
Fun is shuffleboard.
Fun is spoiling grandkids rotten, then sending them home to Mom and Dad.
Fun is huge holiday meals with the whole family.

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Fun is a legacy of love and lasting impact.
Fun is a life well lived.
Fun is what you make it.

Above all else, remember this...

1 Corinthians 10:31
So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

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Have you had fun today?
You can still fix that...

Fun is now.








and now...






and now...







and now...





Be blessed.

Props to you, Mr. Lewis

I have long held C.S. Lewis in highest regard when it comes to literary, theological and philospohical masterpieces. I recently stumbled on a site that had posted many of his more memorable quotes. Instead of posting selections on my profile, I decided to just copy and paste the website here. You can find this and many other quotes and biographical information on www.brainyquote.com.

Memorable Quotes From C.S. Lewis:

A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell.

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A man who is eating or lying with his wife or preparing to go to sleep in humility, thankfulness and temperance, is, by Christian standards, in an infinitely higher state than one who is listening to Bach or reading Plato in a state of pride.

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A young man who wishes to remain a sound atheist cannot be too careful of his reading.

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Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives.

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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.

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An explanation of cause is not a justification by reason.

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Can a mortal ask questions which God finds unanswerable? Quite easily, I should think. All nonsense questions are unanswerable.

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Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance. The only thing it cannot be is moderately important.

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Courage is not simply one of the virtues but the form of every virtue at the testing point, which means at the point of highest reality.

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Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point.

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Don't use words too big for the subject. Don't say "infinitely" when you mean "very"; otherwise you'll have no word left when you want to talk about something really infinite.

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Education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil.

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Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship naked personalities.

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Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it.

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Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.

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Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.

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Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.

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God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.

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Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave with regret? There are better things ahead than any we leave behind.

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How incessant and great are the ills with which a prolonged old age is replete.

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Humans are amphibians - half spirit and half animal. As spirits they belong to the eternal world, but as animals they inhabit time.

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I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.

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I gave in, and admitted that God was God.

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I sometimes wander whether all pleasures are not substitutes for joy.

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If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning.

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If we cut up beasts simply because they cannot prevent us and because we are backing our own side in the struggle for existence, it is only logical to cut up imbeciles, criminals, enemies, or capitalists for the same reasons.

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If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.

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If you read history you will find that the Christians who did most for the present world were precisely those who thought most of the next. It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world that they have become so ineffective in this.

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It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.

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It's so much easier to pray for a bore than to go and see one.

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Let's pray that the human race never escapes from Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere.

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Literature adds to reality, it does not simply describe it. It enriches the necessary competencies that daily life requires and provides; and in this respect, it irrigates the deserts that our lives have already become.

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Long before history began we men have got together apart from the women and done things. We had time.

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Miracles are a retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see.

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Miracles do not, in fact, break the laws of nature.

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No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.

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Nothing that you have not given away will ever be really yours.

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Of all tyrannies a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive.

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Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: the fact that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief.

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Reason is the natural order of truth; but imagination is the organ of meaning.

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Some people feel guilty about their anxieties and regard them as a defect of faith but they are afflictions, not sins. Like all afflictions, they are, if we can so take them, our share in the passion of Christ.

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Telling us to obey instinct is like telling us to obey 'people.' People say different things: so do instincts. Our instincts are at war... Each instinct, if you listen to it, will claim to be gratified at the expense of the rest.

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The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of 60 minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is.

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The long, dull, monotonous years of middle-aged prosperity or middle-aged adversity are excellent campaigning weather for the devil.

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The real problem is not why some pious, humble, believing people suffer, but why some do not.

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The safest road to hell is the gradual one - the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.

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The task of the modern educator is not to cut down jungles, but to irrigate deserts.

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There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, "All right, then, have it your way."

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There is, hidden or flaunted, a sword between the sexes till an entire marriage reconciles them.

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Thirty was so strange for me. I've really had to come to terms with the fact that I am now a walking and talking adult.

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This is one of the miracles of love: It gives a power of seeing through its own enchantments and yet not being disenchanted.

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We all want progress, but if you're on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive.

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We are what we believe we are.

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What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step.

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What we call Man's power over Nature turns out to be a power exercised by some men over other men with Nature as its instrument.

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With the possible exception of the equator, everything begins somewhere.

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You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.

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You can't get a cup of tea big enough or a book long enough to suit me.

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You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.