Ok, so the topic of relationship has been heavy on my mind for a long time, but particularly these last several weeks (the CHRISTmas season is the only time of year that I genuinely wish I wasn't single). God has been working me over the coals for some time now and I haven't really been getting what He was sending.
There's a worship song, "Lord I give you my heart", you've probably heard it if you've been in a contemporary service in the last 5 years. I have been pondering over the words of that song for a long time (it's one of my favorite to play). See, the thing is that I had no idea how to "give Him my heart". I spent most of 2007 trying to keep my heart focused on God, in the midst of some terribly strong distractions. It was, and has always been, a struggle. I have a friend who I know has successfully given her romantic heart to God; she doesn't even possess it anymore. Until today, that has frustrated me to no end, because I can't seem to do the same.
Directing your affections is almost impossible to do. For most of the fall semester, it was an almost constant struggle to keep my affection and attention focused on my Savior. My heart has a tendency to wander back to worldly things if it's not corralled properly. I had a bit of an epiphany today when I was driving to work on my bike. I love the solitude driving the bike provides; plenty of thinking time alone inside my helmet...
Anyways, I realized that I have been trying to direct my affections. Away from certain people, towards Jesus, etc. That approach has failed miserably. The word I received from God today is that we are to release our heart, let go of it completely. We are to entrust it to God and let him take ownership of our heart. This is great for several reasons...
First, it allows us to relax and give God total control over the romantic affections that are present in our lives. It makes it easier to "guard your heart" because your heart is in God's hands.
Secondly, it makes finding the right person easier. It's not your job anymore. I came to that realization when I was having one of those ultra-significant conversations with a special person in my life. I told her, "It's not my job to win you...it's my job to be that Psalm 112 man and practice to be that Ephesians 5 and 1 Peter 3 kind of husband. It's God's job to bring our heart's together. He does the winning." I can't put words to how much relief that brings me. Stop worrying about "the one" God has for you. Release your heart and place your focus on being the one He's called you to be. Let those in your life see His light in your life and His joy in your eyes. Do what we've been called to do, leave the results up to Him.
Finally, it brings a safety to this life that I've never experienced before. I fight fear and worry on a daily basis. One of the areas I'm really bad about is the future. When it comes to relationships, especially those of the romantic variety, all my confidence goes out the window. To be perfectly transparent, every single person I've ever truly cared for has either wounded me deeply or been deeply wounded by me. I bring to Christ a heart that is weary and apprehensive when it comes to relationships in general. That is why simply releasing your heart to Him, to let Him assuage your grief, relief your worry or doubt and keep you on His path for you. Every bit of confidence I lack in myself is more than replaced by my faith in an omnipotent Creator who has my best interests at heart.
Stop trying to push your heart around like it's a shopping cart in the parking lot of love. Put your heart in God's vehicle (providence and grace) and let Him take your heart where He wants it to go.
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Hopefully some of that made sense. It's 4:30am and I'm writing this now because I try to never put off what needs to be said. There was far too much scripture to choose from for this passage. I'd suggest checking out Song of Songs, Haggai, 1 Corinthians, Ephesians and 1 Peter.
Be blessed...
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